2:49 PM
Sunday, December 07, 2014
the year is ending, what a smooth blessed year it has been.
the grad trip i was looking forward to.. i had such a blast and i nvr do get sick
watching my video over and over and over again.
and graduating with a job in hand, i cant ask for anything more.
however, studying and working is a whole new different world altogether.
it has been a new experience. the people in my office are super nice and encouraging, especially my bosses, i cant be any blessed. buttttt subconsciously, some things dont sit right with me.
i feel like i have shrunk way back into my comfort zone and dont know how to come out of it.
i feel like i haven't been growing as a person for the past few years, i feel like i dont have my own voice, i feel like i dont know how to socialize, i feel like i have so much things to learn and to overcome. it overwhelms me most of the time, but i know how to put on my pokerface and pretend everything is good.
yup lifes good. im comfortable. too comfortable. the tv shows i watch are enough, the meals are covered, i have clothes to hide in, i am provided for, everything is amazing. you think?!? you think.
i feel stupid for settling before even fighting for myself and for the things that i love doing.
this was going on for the past few months, 5 months to be exact, from the time i started working.
i have been floating by.
yesterday i was hanging w nabs and i think he ripped me hard. he made me think, he made me ashamed of my so called life. he definitely made me learn.
missing days where i was carefree and driven, without a care in the world, baking, doing crafts, showing affection, making the effort to meet people.... and just living hard.